#2

so i go into a public restroom yesterday. i had to #2 so it took me a little while to get situated. yes, i am one who will #2 in a public restroom but i take all necessary precautions by using the donut shaped wax paper that you are supposed to sit on (it took me a few years to figure out what parts of it to rip so that the hole in the middle would open up just right without tearing the whole thing apart). then i have to undo my belt, which is a task unto itself because i am a nerd. i wear two phones and a leatherman/pen/flashlight holder (something more akin to a fanny pack) so the weight of those things can whip the belt right off of me so it takes some talent. after all of this i turn around and proceed to prepare for the landing and just as i am going to get into "roman chair" position the over achieving auto flusher goes off with the force and swiftness of one of those toilets on an airplane. this leaves me with my pants down facing the stall door. now i have to re-cover the toilet seat with the wax paper while holding my belt that wants so badly to whip off of me all the while trying not to get too far away from the toilet so that the auto velocijet flusher doesn't go off again. and then the worst thing of all could happen at this point. the flusher goes off while you are sitting on it splashing onto you. needless to say i am still alive and feel pretty good about life but i will think twice the next time i need to go 2 in public...